Like Wild Dandelions

~ rabbitpatchdiary.com

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I came to Elizabeth City, on Friday, after school with high hopes, of all sorts.  The drive was really beautiful.  The three rivers, I cross were full of shining blue water. I thought of the poem “Song of Hiawatha” as I went along.   The day was mild and the forecast was that this would continue for a few days.  I expected this would mean a few strolls around the village with Lyla and Brynn  over the weekend. 

I expected we would all go to Miss Claudias’ shortly after I arrived.  She and I had a project to work on, after all. . . one I devised and she was ready to rush headlong in to!  We had talked about it at the beginning of the week. The doctors said, Miss Claudia  had but a few months left.  The news had been crushing, but Miss Claudia kept us all lifted by her example.  She did not complain but instead went on about her business.

Will was spending nights with his mom, so I thought to stay with Jenny and the little girls, would be helpful.  I was already working on a long term plan.  Christian said he would stay, when I couldn’t.  

Will drove up just a few minutes after I did.  Miss Claudia was sleeping, so it looked like I would see her the next day.

78adfe31fad5c3cb728c5d09b2608760 On Saturday, Will came in for breakfast.  Miss Claudia was not yet up.  Jenny and I thought we could take lunch over, but Miss Claudia was not yet up at noon.  I was concerned, but pushed it aside.  By around three, Jenny called the hospice nurse.  The nurse came and my worse fear was confirmed -Miss Claudia died early on Sunday morning.  She just went to sleep and peacefully drifted away from us, and so very gently,  like a sparrow, bound for home.

 

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 We are all in a state of shock. Of course, we are all heartbroken.  It seems like we are all in a  horrid daze.  Will, was shaken as I have never seen him . Lyla said her “Cici” had become an angel, but she “could not understand, why she had to do it now.”

The last few days already seem a blur.  There is so much business to be taken care of with a death.  The first time, I went to her house, was awful  She wasn’t there and the whole thing seemed shocking all over again.  We were all busy and exhausted, so that when a brief lull occurred, . .  .  I was sorry, for the hurt welled up inside, reviving the tragedy all over again.

One day the weather was especially. mild.  Will was tending to all sorts of arrangements and details.  Jenny was doing paperwork and I decided to take Brynn for a stroll. It could have been a day in April.  Birds were singing and in the distance, I heard a tractor.  I felt homesick, for lack of a better word, for everyone and for happy times.  I know we are told repeatedly, to “live in the moment”, but this does not mean we must abandon all memories and  so on this day, I indulged myself, til I was  quite filled with melancholy.

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It makes no difference the circumstances, loss is hard and may be the worst burden this life offers.  We miss our loved ones, pure and simply put.  Certainly, we are all glad that Miss Claudia was spared further suffering – we are all glad her passing was peaceful,  but that does not bar us from the  painful, deep ache of losing her.

The one time, that Miss Claudia cried about the whole affair, was because, she wouldn’t see Lyla and Brynn grow up and that Brynn wouldn’t even know her.  Now that, still makes me weep.  . .hence, ” our  project” was born.  I thought to create a journal , to tell Miss Claudias’ “story and she was every bit as excited, as I was. It was one of the last things we talked about.  Rest assured, the project will go on, for the dear sister, “Julia” also known as “Aunt J” has agreed to help me. 

I drove home on Wednesday under the same fair conditions, of the last few days.  The service for Miss Claudia is on Saturday, and a lot of things had been taken care of, but how I wished I could have done more.  To see the young shoulders of Will, bearing such grief and my Jenny caring for the children in the midst of it all, caused me to want to turn around and race back to the rescue.  It felt so odd to just return to the routine of my life, as if something significant had not occurred.    

When my grandmother died, I was annoyed that the world just went about its’ merry way, as if it didn’t matter that we lost a beautiful light, which seemed to drastically dim the planet.  That very night, a full moon rose and shined like all was well and  I couldn’t understand how Thanksgiving came anyway, when Uncle Randy had just died. 

I know full well, this may be peculiar thinking, but such thoughts do pop in my head.   . .  much, like the wild dandelions, that spring up without fair warning.  

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42 thoughts on “Like Wild Dandelions”

  1. So sorry to hear about your family’s loss!
    It happened so sudden! Perhaps Miss Claudia wanted it this way, silently and gently, as you said “just went to sleep and peacefully drifted away from us, and so very gently, like a sparrow, bound for home”.
    The greatest blessing is that she was able to do so without suffering and pain which is very comforting.
    However, still no matter how, when a loved one leaves us, the grief and sorrow are very profound and leave us always with a deep sense of emptiness… I felt like you Michele when my mom passed away.. I was also “annoyed” to see that the “world just went about its’ merry way, as if it didn’t matter that we lost a beautiful light, which seemed to drastically dim the planet” as you so perfectly described…
    The nature of Life and death, while some celebrate a wedding or a birth, someone in the world cries the loss of a loved one… One more angel has returned home…
    It is beautiful that you will help keep her memory alive for her grandchildren to get to know her, as you take on the project creating a journal of her story! My deepest sympathy, love and prayers for you and the family! ❤ Amira

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  2. So very sorry for your loss. You wrote about her beautifully. Thanking God Ms Claudia drifted off peacefully to be in the presence of the Lord. But for a time, it does not soothe the soul of her loved ones. Their absence is heart wrenching and fills a body with an aching and a yearning to see them just once more. We are never ready for the losses we must bare here. Prayers lifted for strength, comfort and a peace within for all of you as you give her to the Lord, until you meet again.❤

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  7. Oh how blessed you all are to have had her in your lives. And what a blessing to her to pass from here to there without a wimper .If only we could all pass so simply. Your grands will always have her because she was such apart of you.You will make the journal and it will be a keeper. Love you

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  8. Michelle, I am so sorry for your loss. How hard it must be on you all, yes, we may know they are at peace but that doesn’t always ease the pain of missing them. What a wonderful project/gift you will be doing so her grandkids can remember and get to know her. It’s funny, I remember feeling the exact way you mentioned when my own grandmother died…I simply could not believe the world went on as always when my world had just crumbled. I will be praying for you and your family, Will especially. God bless and many hugs.

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  10. Michele, so very sorry for your loss. You have spoken here so often & so warmly of Miss Claudia. She sounds like a very special lady, friend, mother, sister & precious grandmother all bundled in a well-loved & loving life. Please know that Will, Jenny & your families are in my prayers. May the legacy of Miss Claudia’s life & love live on in your hearts. 🌷🙏🌟🙏🌷

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  12. Ecclesiastes 3:4 4a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.
    Do your mourning, Michele. I think it is good for a person to mourn fully so the good memories are what is left.
    My prayers are with you and yours for this journey down a difficult road.

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  15. What a lovely tribute to her and to your family as a whole, Jenny. You are very wealthy with the best gifts life brings us and it is wonderful that all your relationships with them were so full and so excellent. You come from beautiful stock! Hugs and blessings, Anne

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  16. I’m crying as I write this to you, Michele. God help me, I know and understand exactly what you are going through right now. Oh yes I too believe the hardest time we have on this earth is when someone we Love with all of our Hearts is taken from us. I too am walking around in a daze still in shock. Some of my cats are not faring well and I must feed them by hand and give them herbs and pain medication to soothe their grief. We just lost our Max and we just were getting back on solid ground. And now Cuddles who died unexpectedly, suddenly, and in agony. Truly truly I am so so sorry for your loss of Miss Claudia. May the Angels bring you comfort as your tears fall. (((HUGS)))!!!

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    1. you precious dear-I read your posts and knew you have had so much loss. It was hard reading about dear Cuddles-but look at all you did. I hope you take comfort in that. May God bless and strengthen you-and thank you for your kind words, full of compassion. love Michele

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  19. Oh, Michele, I am very sorry to read about Miss Claudia’s passing. While undoubtedly she will always live in your heart, she is also immortalized in the pages of your blog, her gentle character sketched lovingly for the rest of us by your beautiful words.

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  21. Peace, peace and more peace to you and your family. I was so sorry to read Miss Claudia has passed. I am so glad you are making a journal of her life for her grandchildren. Peggy

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  22. It’s like that for all of us. When my husband died, I was angry at everyone because they weren’t experiencing the depths of grief that I was. They just kept on moving and he had stopped.

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