In the First Place . . .

And just like that it is spring, when “flowers appear on the earth”.   The dogwoods know better than any calendar, as do the violets, when it is spring-  The grass knows when to green and so do the trees.  Now, new leaves, small and jade like will stop you in your tracks, if you are just inclined to look up.  The shade of young leaves is dappled now, making lacy patterns with the  gentle sun on the tender grass, beneath. Rainy days are a “dime a dozen”, now  The golden days, are too.  I have been on spring break the past week.  I spent the Easter weekend at Jennys’ home, and the next four days, that followed.
The Easter bunny had hidden brightly colored eggs for the little girls to find on Easter morning.  The darlings rose bright and early, and ready to shine.  What a commotion ensued, as the girls donned their little frocks and shoes , in great haste, to find those eggs.  Tres came for Easter dinner.  It seems the rabbit had left chocolate at his house too . . and so he bestowed his nieces with delightful eggs and bunnies-
Tres’ days in Elizabeth City, are in the short rows.  He graduates in just a few short weeks, with the highest gpa in his field.  He starts a job, in Wilmington, three days later.
Jenny  has been like a “second mother” during his stay there-and the little girls are just smitten with their uncle. . . Will and Tres became the best of friends, so I expect tears in abundance, when he leaves. I know that I will cry, for it was of great comfort to me, just knowing they were together and had one another.
The week was filled with good meals together, stories for the little girls, books, dolls and at long last, ice cream.  I tucked the sweet memories deeply in my heart, for they were too beautiful, not to.
I came home on Thursday evening, to a warm welcome, from Christian, the boxer and the naughty gray cat.
The next day, as I was sorting out the affair of tasks, after time away, my head was swirling with business.  No matter how much tidying, laundry, or unpacking  I attempted. I could not stop the rush of  thoughts about documents and big decisions-an unrealised, old dream and a new unfamiliar path, looming ahead. I finally, worked myself in to a state of gloom and was certain of impending doom.  It had been decades since, I last had such dreary notions.
Certainly, I had to think such thoughts.  The old farmhouse sale, is scheduled for May 12th, after all- surely, I had to consider housing, at my age!  on a very limited income.  . . and the price of everything, sky-high!  On top of that, my decisions would impact my loved ones, as well.
Oh, what a toll worry takes.  It is like a thief, really-and I had apparently left a window up, and a door wide open.
I  now,  truly felt ill. . . Then, something “out of the blue happened”.  A dear friend, of over thirty years called .  She uncannily always catches me at crossroads. I had thought about calling her for several hours, but decided to sulk, instead.  She listened to my woes and wondered if God allowed me this time to ramble so that I could , with clarity, proceed, as I ought to.  I could have deemed it, a divine exploration, I supposed later.  This was sensible and I no longer felt the fear of being  left to my own feeble devices.   How foolish, I had been!
A bit later, Tres called.  Tres calls to check in, but rarely to have a long conversation, on a phone.  After we confirmed plans for our upcoming gathering, Tres talked about his own future.   I did not say a word about my quandary . He talked about his first plan to live out west, then another idea he had was to move to a large city in NC-things took a turn and a better opportunity arose. . .much closer to home-and his Sarah.  He was glad that he had entertained different options.  He had  calmly and methodically, evaluated each one-unlike me.  He told me these things, without any idea that I had been diligently  brewing a “tempest in a teacup”  for the the last few days.
Somehow, the spell of despair was broken, by these conversations and the house was tidy, as well.
The next morning, I awoke to a lavender sky.  Birds were already singing as I was collecting dishes to prepare for our gathering, at mid day.  We would all meet at Mamas’ house and spend time together before Monday came and changed everything.  It was a lovely day.  We all agreed that the meal was especially good and Mamas’ cake was a fine grand finale.
We all ended up outside afterwards.  Delores had bought Jenny a quilt she had made for her. (Delores has made a quilt for each of us}   . .  and sweet tokens for all of us.  Everybody got something.  Delores is a thoughtful person and is especially good at finding just the right thing for everyone.  She gifted me with geraniums.  They were in bloom and boasting with large apricot colored blossoms.
Moments later, I opened my April birthday card.  Delores had hand written a message inside . ,” If you weren’t  my sister, I would  want you to my friend.” was written within the message and jumped out with flashing beauty.  That sentiment meant something, that I never want to forget.
When you are young, you are so very accustomed to change.  All experiences are new, after all. After a very long while, one sorts through their collections.  We draw conclusions.  We can see in hind sight, which ones we manufactured and which experiences, we did not.  Often, we classify events -some are regrets, some are triumphs-some bear repeating and some do not.
Our response to both heartbreak and victory-really means everything.  This lesson is a tiresome one-and a life long one.  “Sometimes “Silver linings”  are as slow as “molasses in January” to appear.
Since, I have faltered, in this lesson, I know first hand what Not to do, now.  Until further notice. I will bake my bread, find more flowers,  and try my best to “look to the hills”.   . .which I should have done in the first place.

21 thoughts on “In the First Place . . .

    1. Thank you Laurie-Sometimes change is a blessing-whether we realise it or not. I am feeling better about things-so many things are going on, that I can not mention. I must learn to respond to troubles with faith-and I am a slow learner! Haha-love Michele

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      1. I understand. I’ve always maintained that while I tell the truth in my posts, I don’t tell the whole truth. When it comes to family and friends, discretion is definitely a virtue. Anyway, I wish you bon courage in dealing with your troubles and the many changes in your life.

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  1. I love that you have tucked sweet memories in your heart. In times of transition our memories sustain us. Reading your post reminds me that sometimes the whole earth seems to be groaning… This is one of those times in your life as it is also in many others. Praying for peace…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t worry bout tomorrow, just be real good today. The Lord is right beside you He’ll guide you all the way. Have Hope that all will be well in life despite all the paperwork, decisions and problems.😊💓💓

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have learned another meaningful insight from your writings Michelle. It felt good, warm and easy to digest in my heart. I wish you a more worry-free days and yes, someone telling you “that if you can´t be her sister, then she could be your friend instead ” is really golden.
    Warm greetings from Bavaria.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Michele, your words, weaved so beautifully with the rawness and real of your situations, touches my heart. You have such an amazing way of expressing yourself. I’m
    Living through transition still of both of my sons and their families so far away in the military. Me in my little house finally after floundering for years. I marinate in memories~sometimes to a fault because I love so deep. I think of your farmhouse and your precious family and memories. I will be praying for everyone through these transitions as soring and it’s beauty bloom around you. 💛🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ahhh-a kindred spirit. I knew about living with memories that made leaving that place that about crushed me. Such happy times with those I loved. II strive to remember details-I do not want to forget these treasures.

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  5. Congratulations to Tres on his excellent grades. Well done!

    I was right there with you, stewing over things. I have to make a decision about changing cell phone service, and neither choice will be pain free. Thanks for reminding me that worry and sulking don’t solve a thing. I’m praying for a wonderful outcome for you.

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  6. A very few people are businesslike and methodical in analysing their problems and securing solutions as your lovely boy is. I think most of us need time to work through all our twists and knots and perhaps wallow in our difficulties for a bit until the skies clear and some of the sun shines through. What matters more is not that we never fall nor is it about us staying upon the “rug of whine” for a bit; it is that we rise, over and over again each time we take a tumble. That’s what I see in you, Michele. Some days life is particularly hard on you, but belonging to the race that knows hope, you always find something to be grateful and thankful for; a storm never wilds for too long in your tender heart. You’re as warm and as loving and full of heart as they come – and you always will be.

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  7. Sometimes when looking to the hills they seem to disappear into fog…..praying patience for you for the fog to clear and the hills to stand out clear and beautiful. I totally understand twisting oneself into a knot with all the thinking. I keep trying to learn to take a very deep breath and keep it up until the knot unravels. Blessings to you Michele!

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  8. Such a beautifully written post. Your first paragraph virtually ‘sings’ of spring. I do wish you blessings as you make this life transition. I wish you fields of flowers, and when it rains, the softest rain imaginable. You have set your heart on the right things and God will guide your every footstep. He is always there, always a step ahead, showing us the way to go.

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