It is long past :first light”, as I begin this entry. I was pulling grass and weeds, at daybreak. I am an early bird certainly, and tend to slow down as the day slips by.
I dream big in the mornings- about weeding and watering, laundry, hanging a birdfeeder and supper. I am domestic at heart and derive such satisfaction from this work . Home making is an art and everyone benefits from it. Things are where they ought to be, and the fragrance of clean linens and sometimes a loaf of bread drifts like a song, sung from a happy heart, just inside the back door. What a spectacular greeting, I think. If I sound old fashioned, it is because I am. As it turns out, this is a good thing . . . for today, I had an “exit interview” at the school, that I have worked at for 23 years. I am still shocked.
It has been an unsettling affair-and heartbreaking, too. Some days I was “gloom and doom”. I felt banished from something, I helped create. The financial side of it was daunting. “Faith the size of a mustard seed,” seemed too much to ask for . . .all has since passed.
I gained strength from verses that came to me like sudden showers. Finally, a friend, wiser than me, asked “Is this a sunrise or a sunset?” That question sent a chorus of bells ringing and seemed to give me clarity. Maybe, The “mountain” I had been building was just a mole hill and not nearly as treacherous nor as foreboding , as I had made it out to be. It was just unfamiliar territory . Despite my clumsy attempt to “practice what I preach” and my fervor to collect fears of every sort . . .I now have that “peace that passes understanding”. Perspective is a big factor. I guess, I took the long way around.
This new path will take some time and adjustment. I do not worry about staying busy. -nor feeling unfulfilled or a bit less passionate about life. I do not know what to expect about the financial aspect-and I’m going to stop there, lest I build another mountain for I am good at that.
So it is a good thing, that scrubbing, dusting and a clothes line give me joy, I think. . . and I might bake a cake on a Tuesday! Well, time will tell, as it always does. No matter how much I clean the house, it never stays that way for long-and someone is always hungry, so I ought not to worry, that I will run out of this “hobby”.
Other than all that, Mama and I went to the lake last weekend. We gathered to find out and then celebrate if niece Hayley, was having a boy or a girl . . . It is a little girl! What a happy day!
This weekend, I am in Elizabeth City with Jenny and the grand daughters. (Will is out of town.) Lyla finished first grade and was awarded academic achievements in math and reading, which made all of us happy-but she also received a character award and THAT to me, was the highest honor. Brynn, at four, completed her preschool year and she is glad, for she was “sick of hard work”! Brynn does know her Bible stories, though .
Will and Jenny are good parents and that means the world to me. Every visit, leaves me more convinced of this blessing. I came home on a beautiful day , determined to live joyfully and to accept the blessings that I was too dull to imagine . . . I have seen a fair share of “silver Linings “, after all.
Now, when I started this diary, it was with the intentions to spread hope and comfort, hence writing about disappointment seems to go against that notion, but the truth is, as much effort as I put in to my own private world, disappointment wiles its’ way in, anyway. We all come face to face with it at some time and so as heartbreaking as this is to consider . . . so will my beloved children. . .and they Are still watching. When they get knocked sideways I want them to have some strategy for recovery. Stumbling about is not defeat, nor are moments of hopelessness. And last, but not least, Me, nor any other human are fit for pedestals. . . and especially me.
I hesitated to “like” this as the news was not at all welcome. But consider the “like” a showing of support for you. So very sorry about your job. It is a big blow when something like that happens, and although we don’t necessarily want to wallow in bad feelings, I think it is important to acknowledge them and to even let yourself feel bad for a while. But then, as the great Buddhist teacher Pema Chodren advises, let it go. ( Hold on to it, and then let it go.) That, of course, is the hard part. Anyway, best of luck going forward. Would you be able to collect a pension from all those years of teaching? If so, that would be a great help.
No my friend, no pension at all.I should be eligible for unemployment as it was a budget issue. I am 64 and a bit shy of social security-sounds rough, but I am sure things will work out ok. Thank you for caring-and your wise words. God bless you and your dear cozy home.
Aww, Michele. Hugs to your heart. Your attitude and outlook always inspires me. Said a prayer for wisdom. The thought from your friend about is this a ‘sunrise or sunset’ is profound. ♥️
Oh Mona-I am so glad to hear from you. I remain so thankful for the influence you had on me AS A YOUNG MOTHER. I think of you and always send sweet wishes your way.
My heart is heavy, knowing you have struggled with this. As you know, God doesn’t give us a road map, but he is always with us and eternally in control. I’m praying for direction, peace, and contentment for you as you rely on God as your strength and shield.
My sweet Anne-you are so comforting-I feel your concern, but you are right about that shield.-those verses about the armor of God were some of the showers! Thank uou
Hi Michele. Honestly, I thought you left your music teaching school job a year ago (rather they let you go), and then started a new job this past year. Did they end up having you stay another year? Well, things do happen for a reason, and your true calling is your home and your family. I’m so glad everyone is doing well.❤️
Hi Jennie-You are right. It was two years ago that I was aked to do a literature course for elementary students. (I had 300 violinists at that time) I loved literature and the program was successful, but budget didn’t allow me to continue. Sadly, our director had a stroke and everything has changed. Your last line of your comment did my heart good. thank you, love Michele
Thanks for letting me know, Michele. When music and art are cut from education, that is a big red flag. Did you know students who participate in music do better in math and science? Sigh! I’m glad I did your heart good. Love, Jennie
So sorry to read of your job loss, Michele, and it is understandable that you feel at a loss. A bit like becoming untethered from our anchor. I liked that your friend asked if this was a sunrise or sunset. Such a good perspective. I thought of the saying about ‘when one door closes, another opens.’ We must have faith that things work out in the end. For now, take time to enjoy doing the things you love. ❤
Oh dear! I went through the same thing via a phone call during Covid. I know how much it hurts and how much a teacher’s life is bound up in her school and feeling loved by the children that you teach!
All I can say is that you will have so much more time and energy for life now. Teaching is exhausting however rewarding and 64 years us more than enough!!
I have had to take social security too and I felt bad about it, but now I don’t. Claim what you are entitled too with good grace and thankfulness
A beautiful post, in spite of your sadness, Michele. Thank you for providing inspiration. Is this a sunset or a sunrise, indeed? I look forward to reading more about this adventure. God bless you!
Hey, Michele. So sorry to hear what June(?) brought. It’ll be a summer you won’t forget for sure. I faced some scary months too some time back and for a person who loved mornings and greeting the dawn of each day, I became very afraid of what the day might bring. It wasn’t a great way to live. Then, my angel nudged this simple, tender prayer towards me – Jesus, I trust in You. and I said it as often as I could. Still, the terror and worry was always close by. Till one day. Sending up prayers to heaven one day, I sensed a change being made to the “trust prayer” I was praying. It became ~ Jesus, I will trust in You. The moment I said it, I could feel a quiet strength power through me.
It took a bit of time, but I finally left that darkness.
Still, I tugged at the hem of God’s garment, asking Him to help me understand why I had to go through what I did. He has been speaking to since and I am slowly beginning to get it. A long while back, the Lord promised me new life. It appears that in order to arrive at the gates of this new life, I had to first walk through the valley of darkness. I wish God had worked out some other way for me to get to this point but I also know that God knows me better and He must have known that darkness was needed for a time.
Again, I’m so very sorry for what you have to face. But if it seems like the shadows are very dark now, it also means that light is shining somewhere close by.
One day, that Light will break forth upon you, dear Michele.
I have read this several times-and was moved deeply every time. Your thoughtful comment acted like a tonic on my spirit. I am so touched by your compassion and your generosity in support. I do not take it lightly. My heart is grateful and I will remember to be oed by such a fine example. love Michele
I’m so sorry to hear this! It is hard to have your job abruptly ended, in so many ways. You have a good attitude about it, and a good support system with your family and friends. And most important of all, you have your faith. Praying this new chapter of your life is rewarding and fulfilling!
I liked the way you ended your blog with so much hope and optimism which will offer many who face such challenges . I too was devastated when informed about the end of my journey with the organisation that I loved so much . It took me a long time to overcome this disappointment!
Cheers to you Michele !
rabbitpatchdiarycom 
I hesitated to “like” this as the news was not at all welcome. But consider the “like” a showing of support for you. So very sorry about your job. It is a big blow when something like that happens, and although we don’t necessarily want to wallow in bad feelings, I think it is important to acknowledge them and to even let yourself feel bad for a while. But then, as the great Buddhist teacher Pema Chodren advises, let it go. ( Hold on to it, and then let it go.) That, of course, is the hard part. Anyway, best of luck going forward. Would you be able to collect a pension from all those years of teaching? If so, that would be a great help.
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No my friend, no pension at all.I should be eligible for unemployment as it was a budget issue. I am 64 and a bit shy of social security-sounds rough, but I am sure things will work out ok. Thank you for caring-and your wise words. God bless you and your dear cozy home.
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So very sorry! Best, best, best to you. Keep us posted.
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Bright blessing on your new path 🙏✨
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Aww, Michele. Hugs to your heart. Your attitude and outlook always inspires me. Said a prayer for wisdom. The thought from your friend about is this a ‘sunrise or sunset’ is profound. ♥️
LikeLiked by 1 person
What lovely and comforting words-you are a dear one. Your prayers mean so much. thank you x Michele
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“ I felt banished from something, I helped create.”
Those words shook my soul. There’s a reason that I now live 2700 miles away.
I’m glad that you have the roots of your family and the wings of your faith.
Much love to you. Mona
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Oh Mona-I am so glad to hear from you. I remain so thankful for the influence you had on me AS A YOUNG MOTHER. I think of you and always send sweet wishes your way.
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My heart is heavy, knowing you have struggled with this. As you know, God doesn’t give us a road map, but he is always with us and eternally in control. I’m praying for direction, peace, and contentment for you as you rely on God as your strength and shield.
LikeLiked by 2 people
My sweet Anne-you are so comforting-I feel your concern, but you are right about that shield.-those verses about the armor of God were some of the showers! Thank uou
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Michele. Honestly, I thought you left your music teaching school job a year ago (rather they let you go), and then started a new job this past year. Did they end up having you stay another year? Well, things do happen for a reason, and your true calling is your home and your family. I’m so glad everyone is doing well.❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Jennie-You are right. It was two years ago that I was aked to do a literature course for elementary students. (I had 300 violinists at that time) I loved literature and the program was successful, but budget didn’t allow me to continue. Sadly, our director had a stroke and everything has changed. Your last line of your comment did my heart good. thank you, love Michele
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for letting me know, Michele. When music and art are cut from education, that is a big red flag. Did you know students who participate in music do better in math and science? Sigh! I’m glad I did your heart good. Love, Jennie
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You know I love you and look forward to the “bounce back”
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So sorry to read of your job loss, Michele, and it is understandable that you feel at a loss. A bit like becoming untethered from our anchor. I liked that your friend asked if this was a sunrise or sunset. Such a good perspective. I thought of the saying about ‘when one door closes, another opens.’ We must have faith that things work out in the end. For now, take time to enjoy doing the things you love. ❤
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Thank you dear Eliza- Your kind words filled my heart. And I am taking your sound advice-there is so much to love.
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Oh dear! I went through the same thing via a phone call during Covid. I know how much it hurts and how much a teacher’s life is bound up in her school and feeling loved by the children that you teach!
All I can say is that you will have so much more time and energy for life now. Teaching is exhausting however rewarding and 64 years us more than enough!!
I have had to take social security too and I felt bad about it, but now I don’t. Claim what you are entitled too with good grace and thankfulness
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much-your words are true and are very comforting.You understand, I can tell. love Michele
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Above was from Cathy xx
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A beautiful post, in spite of your sadness, Michele. Thank you for providing inspiration. Is this a sunset or a sunrise, indeed? I look forward to reading more about this adventure. God bless you!
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Thank you for you sweet words. I have decided it is a sunrise Thank you again for cheering me on! love Michele
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Hey, Michele. So sorry to hear what June(?) brought. It’ll be a summer you won’t forget for sure. I faced some scary months too some time back and for a person who loved mornings and greeting the dawn of each day, I became very afraid of what the day might bring. It wasn’t a great way to live. Then, my angel nudged this simple, tender prayer towards me – Jesus, I trust in You. and I said it as often as I could. Still, the terror and worry was always close by. Till one day. Sending up prayers to heaven one day, I sensed a change being made to the “trust prayer” I was praying. It became ~ Jesus, I will trust in You. The moment I said it, I could feel a quiet strength power through me.
It took a bit of time, but I finally left that darkness.
Still, I tugged at the hem of God’s garment, asking Him to help me understand why I had to go through what I did. He has been speaking to since and I am slowly beginning to get it. A long while back, the Lord promised me new life. It appears that in order to arrive at the gates of this new life, I had to first walk through the valley of darkness. I wish God had worked out some other way for me to get to this point but I also know that God knows me better and He must have known that darkness was needed for a time.
Again, I’m so very sorry for what you have to face. But if it seems like the shadows are very dark now, it also means that light is shining somewhere close by.
One day, that Light will break forth upon you, dear Michele.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have read this several times-and was moved deeply every time. Your thoughtful comment acted like a tonic on my spirit. I am so touched by your compassion and your generosity in support. I do not take it lightly. My heart is grateful and I will remember to be oed by such a fine example. love Michele
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so sorry to hear this! It is hard to have your job abruptly ended, in so many ways. You have a good attitude about it, and a good support system with your family and friends. And most important of all, you have your faith. Praying this new chapter of your life is rewarding and fulfilling!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I liked the way you ended your blog with so much hope and optimism which will offer many who face such challenges . I too was devastated when informed about the end of my journey with the organisation that I loved so much . It took me a long time to overcome this disappointment!
Cheers to you Michele !
LikeLiked by 1 person