It seems now, that a new line of demarcation has been drawn in my life.  The new season is “since Daddy died”.  There are as many lines now in my life as there are on my weathered hands.  

I can not write falsehoods and so there have been many gloomy days.  How could it not be so?  I do try to carry on .  I have been cleaning up the footpath to the garden.  l have moved some wild daffodils and apple mint, but sometimes, I just leave the spade in the yard and walk away.  I thought to build a small fire, one day.  I had gathered a good many of the fallen branches and so I lit and re- lit  the collection til at last a cheerful flame blazed.  I do not know why I “tuned up” and cried as I watched it burn.  Since Daddy died, I do such things.

I write these things in the diary,  not because I want  sympathy, but because I want to record authentically, the many variables of the contents of a life.  There is no gain, for anyone, if I “keep this to myself”.  It would be quite unfair for anyone to think, that all of my life is spent growing flowers, doting on my grandchildren and communing with nature.  After all “being on easy street” is always temporary, though I love that street.  Oh, how much pleasure, it is for me to write about the beauty of an ordinary life.   . .but life is far from from ordinary, at times for all of us.  We all get wounded, at some point and I can  not deny that. Recovery, is one valuable skill  to have in this life.  It is one of the most valuable skills, really for I can say, with full confidence, you will need it, . . and more than once.

April has been much cooler, these last few weeks.  The wind, at long last has subsided to lively breezes.  I have spent some of my time, on the “winter clean up”.  It takes a while and the only thing that I enjoy less is cleaning the oven.  It takes blood, sweat and tears to accomplish all there is to it.  If vines and thorns were money . .well the rabbitpatch would be worth a “kings’ ransom”.  Some times, I wonder, why I bought the place . . and some times I wonder, how I will ever leave it. I really think that I will always love this patch of the earth – and yet be thankful  to sell it.  I do know one thing, I am the  better for  having known the place, but living here takes a lot of gumption.

Since Daddy died, I have been thinking and reflecting a lot.  Now, I am fully aware of the theory, that we tend to make the departed, in to heroes and saints,  when they die. I have done neither.  I have started writing “Daddys’ story in  the journal that I keep for everyone in the family, that has passed on.    Aunt Agnes has a chapter, as does Aunt Josie, Uncle Randy and my beloved grandmother.   I write simply, “what I remember”, which is the title, of the journal, also.

As I write, I see no value in creating frills and flash.  The truth is enough .  That is how I feel now, more than ever, in my own circumstances.  Getting older can be very liberating-and I weed out what doesn’t matter, as vigorously, as I do the weeds along the garden patch.  At last, I believe, “that I was wonderfully made.”  The desires of my youth, do not apply now.  Presentation meant so very much,in those days.  I chased after “fools’ gold” and collected fine clothes and even bought “spanking new” cars, really, for other folks to “take notice”.  Thankfully, that era did not take long, for what a waste of vitality!  Now, I look at the silver streaks in my hair, and the memories etched on my face, and do not draw back in horror.  I embrace my life, faults and all, more than ever before.

I do not blame myself, for mistakes made in youth, either.  I suspect, in fact, that the many encounters with “fools’ gold” only enhanced my ability to know and understand   the properties of the authentic,  precious and genuine thing.

Sometimes, I think “if Daddy died, than anybody can”!  Ought I not to live, knowing this is so?   It is amusing to think such a thought, and I did laugh about it, later, but just hours before Daddy passed, I could not imagine him actually dying.  Even now, I can not imagine, how to live without a “father”.   . . but every day, I do . . . and the oddest thing has happened.  Somehow, I feel as close to him as ever.  I have not “seen” him, nor heard his voice-not even dreamed of  him, but I feel him, deeply. . .as if even death does not fully separate us.  

While, I  have been “up to my ears” in the work of maintaining the territory and sorting out all sorts of notions,  the grandchildren keep growing up.  Little Ryan has two teeth and is crawling-and pulls up on whatever is in reach.  Lyla plays with her doll house/hotel, for hours now. at a time.  She recently hosted a birthday party for one of her dolls-complete with decorations and cake.  The darling Brynn, is babbling and climbing on everything-no matter the steadfastness of it.  

I know one more thing too . . .being a “long distance “Honeybee” . . .does not suit me!

 

 

Mostly, everything in my life has changed.  Of course, the pandemic changed every ones’ life.  The way we do things, at least.  Daddy left  us a week ago.  I just can not get the way of time, for some times it feels like just yesterday and some times it feels like a year.  I am never quite sure what day it is.  How long has it been since I walked by the “laughing river”?   Is it still spring?  I think about all of this in the first moments, after I wake.  I am always shocked, for while I was living a beautiful ordinary life . . . the way of it, changed in a twinkling.

Grief is a force to be reckoned with.  It is complicated, understandable -weighs on you deeply and abandons you randomly, well there is just no “rhyme or reason” to the ways of grief.   It is bewildering, for  as I hang clothes on the line and admiring the beauty around me, I am  as likely to cry as to drop a clothes pin!  No one ever gets to be an expert on grief.  , , and “practice does not make perfect,” where it is concerned, . . .for grief is no stranger to me. Sometimes, when I am missing Daddy, I will think of my husband, my grandmothers, Aunt Josie and Aunt Agnes, Uncle Randy and my dog, Gage!  The thing washes over me til, I can not sort  it all out.

Yesterday, my sisters and I met at Mamas’ to write thank you notes – and poor Connie worked more on “business”.  Mama is doing as well as anyone could be expected.  I told Connie, that I sure hoped we gathered “just for lunch soon”, not because of the tasks, but just to share something besides sorrow, even if briefly.   

Now, when I quit thinking about myself, I realise  that much the world is grieving, the same as me.  Woe is widespread and beyond my “wildest imagination”.  There is fear and now, anger.  What a concoction of emotions have been stirred up.  Now, my heart breaks, for the many whose livelihood has been threatened and for the ones whose jobs demands that they just “carry on” despite the circumstances.  People like cashiers, truck drivers, medical staff and many, many others. They are all warriors, in a sense.   I confess, that I have not studied much of any thing in the last few weeks, but I have seen where folks are protesting these current mandates.  I will not cheer them on, though they have the right to do so. 

In my small world, I know that some folks do not practice social distancing, for they do not see the need or they are rebelling, for the sake of it.  The worse thing, is that I see a lack of respect for the ones (like me) that   are practicing “at full hilt”.  I do not pretend, to understand this virus.   . .but as I told my cousin, Sheila . .”if someone tells me, there may be a bear in the woods -and I hear growling . . .I am not going in the woods.”  and I do not need to be told to stay out. Besides, what if our lack of compliance, made someone else sick? Shouldn’t we consider that?  This is not the time to “throw caution to the wind.”

Some time, in the midst of everything, I had a birthday.  I kept forgetting it, and every time someone  mentioned it, some task would present itself and distract me, from any  further thought of it.  One night, we sat around making a list of things to include on my next grocery order.  Mama needed tin foil  and we had borrowed something from a neighbor, that needed to be replaced.  I am loving “picking up groceries” I announced, and  joked that I had tried to order geraniums, but the store did not honor my request. 

Much to my surprise, Delores brought me a half dozen pink geraniums, when we met at Mamas’ to write those “thank you” notes.  What a lovely surprise . .  .what a sweet moment.  Today, I planted them and the rabbtpatch looked happy .  

The geraniums seemed to inspire me and so one thing led to another.  I worked in the “Quiet Garden”  for a while and then picked up branches that have come unfastened in the April wind.  At long last, we burned the garden.  Burning the garden, is a big event at the rabbitpatch.  Besides all that has transpired  recently, April has been windy and so we burned “late” this year.

Though there is much more to be done, progress was made and in the end, the rabbitpatch looked less shabby, than it has in months.  When the first stars were out, I took a walk around the territory. 

I thought the beauty of the place, no matter how neglected, was  still as charming as any place, I have ever seen.  I also knew all over again, that the sprawling lawn, was just too much for an old lady.   . .especially one with grand children.  The old farm house had outgrown me, a few years back too. 

Not so very long ago, it seemed the place was as good as sold.  I was shocked when the deal fell apart, just days before finalization.  I was beyond mere disappointment.  I never got angry, for I had prayed for many seasons and I knew better than to argue with God, for I have  never won a battle with Him.  Now, as I walked under the silver, shining heavens, in the beloved silence of the countryside, I was grateful for this past year at the rabbitpatch.  I was not stranded, after all, but placed lovingly in the right place at the right time.  I felt very protected -really from my own self.  My plan would have deprived me of the “holy” season that loomed ahead.  

Now, I still plan to “sell the farm”.   . .but I will bear in mind, that human “plans” are often shallow and pale in comparison, to what God knows we need.  In my case, maybe I was hasty . . .certainly, I was void of understanding.  I realised, my own dream was not harmless, as I had thought.  . . and had I dared try to rush God? AGAIN?  Oh, what lessons I was learning under the stars!

Really, life is mysterious and full of complexity.  There are few dependable things.  By now, you would think the whole world would know this .  I know very little, but I do know that somehow, pain and beauty can exist in the same moments. “Change” is usually another opportunity -and I ought not to dread it, as I  am in the habit of doing. God always answers prayers -He just doesn’t always say “yes”.   . .and “leaning on you own understanding” is an awful practice.  

 

 

The death of a good father may be one of the hardest things, a human has to endure.  I do not know now, how the sorrow will ever be tolerable, but I suppose it will.  I suppose, one day, I will not cry .  I have never buried a parent.  All I know, for now is that this a different kind of grief.

The service was on Thursday.  Only a limited number of people could attend, due to the pandemic.  A handful of friends gathered, but were asked to stay in their car.  It was already a sorrowful time, but to have to work within the  current mandates, was taxing. Not even our immediate family could gather to comfort one another.   Good neighbors and beloved friends dropped dishes on the porch, and could not be invited in, but instead thanked “through the door.” 

I have never cared about flowers, as I would rather someone spend that money on food for the hungry . . .and with the florists, all closed, in our small town, we couldn’t have bought flowers our selves.   When we arrived, for the service, there was a single spray of flowers, from our cousin, Chuck, who had used an out of town florist.  A it turns out, flowers do matter to me.  Those flowers were like the nights, when there is a single star in the sky.   

Since Daddy was a veteran, he had asked for a military service not because he wanted the recognition . . he wanted Mama to have a flag.  When she was presented a flag, I couldn’t help but think, that this was his final gift to Mama. 

The day after the funeral, was as sad as any other one before it.  There was so much work to be done, however, that we were just too busy to dwell for any length of time, on our grief.  Connie took care of the business that comes with  death, an awful task, I think. Delores and I packaged food, which meant cleaning out cabinets and refrigerators and freezers.  I remain grateful and humbled by the way of good people. for the one thing that we did not have to fret over, was food.  We hung clothes on the line together, like we did as children.  That was a sweet moment.

We all took another visit to the grave together and carried flowers from the yard.  I thought to sprinkle some soil from home.  It was what we could do.

We all returned to our homes afterwards -at Mamas’ insistence.  Mama is exhausted, heartbroken and heartsick -all at once.  She had a crush on daddy at the tender age of fourteen . . .and so she married him, just a few short years later.  She still lives on the a parcel of the farm, that she grew up on.  They would have been married 62 years in June, yet in Daddys’ last days, she laid beside him, her head on his shoulder, and looked like a young girl in love. I knew I was looking at a love story-an incredible story that had weathered hardships, survived calamities and stood together in victory, at last.  They won their race.

Now, that the “dust has settled”, I am back at the rabbitpatch, where the roses are in full bloom -and every floor needs scrubbing.  I thought as I pulled grass along the garden path and more when I hung out the clothes on the line.  I just missed every day, before this one.  I missed the “Sunday dinners”  and the day I played the piano,for Daddy, while an entire entourage gathered in my kitchen for a surprise birthday party, I missed Christian and I playing Hank Williams songs because Daddy loved Hank Williams.  The soil swallowed my tears and the wind blew my sadness, til there was less of it.  I even half heartedly, thanked the roses before I came in.

Grief is as natural as joy and I reminded myself of that as I went along with my chores.  Grief may be as good a lesson as any  I know of, though it may also be the hardest to bear, for I thought of the beautiful legacy Daddy left, and that legacy was created by the substance of his life.  If there is ever a time  for me to reflect on  the contents of my time, on this earth  .  . it is now.  I must consider, my priorites and make sure they are practiced.  What will my children see as my legacy, I wondered.  Is my “truth” beautiful?  I started a mental list of things to improve upon-and so grief is a lesson, after all.

Now, my dad left this planet, but his story will remain, for I will  tell it to his great grand children.  They deserve to know their heritage was forged by a great -great grandmother who raised  children, that grew into noble adults.  Daddys’  brother, Uncle Randy was a gentle  soul.  He was so kind to me.   . .well, I have never met a Warren”  that I didn’t love right off.  . .and since Uncle Randy has also passed, Daddy is in especially good company. 

So far, not a one of the Warrens, “have taken a single thing” with them.  We always say that, but I fear, we do not always really act like we understand it.  My dear and kindred friend ,  Scott of Pazlo, really says it best, when he refers to our earthly  castles as  mere “sand castles”. 

We are going to work all of our life, at something.  We will accomplish what we work for and we ought to be aware of that.  . . another thing to remember.

   “Precious in the sight of the Lord, is the death of His saints” 

 

 

I came to my parents’ house on Wednesday -that was the day my self imposed “quarantine” ended.  Daddy had been having one bad day after another, and I knew Mama was in need of support.  I just wanted to be as safe as I could, so I wanted to observe my self imposed quarantine, before going to my parents’ home.  I do not think I came a minute too soon. 

Daddy has mostly been in bed since I arrived.  To say he is doing poorly, is an understatement.  I am so thankful, he is peaceful and rarely shows any sign of distress.  When he does wake, we are with him.  we can hardly understand anything he says recently . . .but the first day, he told me a story.  It was new to me, but Mama confirmed it.

I was telling daddy about Tres, who we all think is so much like my dad-in looks and actions.  Of course, regular readers know, that I was bragging about how well Tres was doing in school, how impressed the professors were, how he was helping one of them, with the new remote process of classes-oh, I went on and on.  Daddy listened and then said “I was the smartest.”  I smiled and said “you are so smart, and always have been.”  He said again “I was the smartest.”  Mama chimed in and said “He was the “valedictorian”.  The story was that Daddy had been sent a letter declaring him this honor.  He remembered sitting at the kitchen table with Grandmama reading it-and how happy they both were.  When he walked in the school for graduation, and to receive his award, he was approached by- in his words – “a mean old lady that worked at the school”, who promptly informed him, he had missed too many days to be valedictorian, and it would go to another student.

Daddy said he had missed a good thirty days of school, because he had to help with farming.  Grandaddy was quite unreliable, while my own dad was growing up and so my Uncle Randy and my dad as young boys had to work tirelessly to “save that farm”.  The odds were stacked against daddy ever being a graduate, and especially a valedictorian.  I was proud and heartbroken all at once.  I was quite angry, too,  I still am.  In fact . . if I knew that “mean old ladys’ name, I would tell you and the rest of the world, too.  I am just that shallow, at times.

Some of the days have been very quiet.  Neighbors and friends call, all offering to help in any way they can.  Folks have dropped off all sorts of foods, on the porch.  Only the immediate family comes in and even then, we take precautions.  When daddy awakens, we all take turns visiting with him.  I told someone this was  one beautiful, holy and sorrowful time.

 I have spent a good deal of time, quietly.  I relive my childhood memories, trying to tuck every detail of Daddy, deeply, in my heart. 

I look across the fields of winter wheat at the woods, where we gathered leaves for the annual leaf collection  projects at school.  I wondered  if children still do that. I look at the big sky . . .and remember those kites.  There is a curve, just before my parents’ home, and I could still  see him rounding that bend, coming home from work and  all of us running wildly to Mama,  proclaiming his arrival.  It was a wonderful time, in those days when ” a daddy came home.”  Groups of  playing children would  become smaller and smaller, as children ran home at the sight of their daddy coming home.  

We used to look at constellations and in those days, you could see the “Milky Way”  on clear nights. As a child I imagined running  across the sky on that starry path.  I never see the milky way over the rabbitpatch, without remembering Daddy calling us out to see that streak of silver across the night sky.

And then there are the birds .  . .Country children were well versed in bird and birdsong identification, when I was a child.  It was considered as essential to learn as your “ABC’s”.  The lessons were not formal and so we cheerfully learned the songs of  the woodland birds quite naturally . . .in the evenings, after supper.

The days run on like a soft, melancholy tune.  Both of my sisters and a brother in law came and  so sometimes “there are shining moments”.  How much dimmer the days would be without them.

On Saturday, Brant and Tres came.  When they left, the house and yard were clean, and both of them got in a visit with their grand daddy. When they left, daddy fell in to a deep sleep . 

That was the last day, that daddy tended to earthly business.  The next two days were long and grim.  We tucked “miniature prayer shawls” in his hands and waited . . .for God.  God was not in a hurry and so the somber hours dragged by.  

Easter day was mild and full of shine.  Daddy slept, while the dogwoods bloomed.  That is about all I have to say about Easter this year.

On Easter Monday, we knew the time was almost nigh. I asked God to show daddy something so beautiful, that daddy would want to leave.  I told Daddy, that  he didn’t have a thing to worry about, for he had  given us all that we needed for our own journeys. I mentioned how grand it was to be left such an inheritance of things that “moth and rust will not corrupt”, as birds, and trees and stars do not fade with time, nor diminish in value but instead remain pure and easily passed on to my own children . . and all those children, yet to come. . . Still, daddy lingered.   The evening was a melancholy time.  I sat on the porch and remembered that Tres had been listening to  Daddys favorite music.  Jenny had asked earlier if Daddy had music as he slept.  I thought to go sing to daddy.  I went to his bedside, to find Delores sitting and singing so quietly to daddy.  I asked her to sing with me. Connie came in a few minutes later, and she joined us.  Mama came next.  None of us planned it, but somehow , we  all ended up gathering at his bedside, singing the old hymns. Within about twenty minutes, Daddy true, to his nature, left peacefully.   We sang him “all the way home”. It was beautiful, holy and sorrowful.

 

 

 

There are no “coming and goings” at the rabbitpatch, not any “Sunday dinners” nor any visits with the grandchildren, to write about in the diary.  We are all home, Kyle, Christian and I , working together, and carefully monitoring the pantry.  I did go out once, to the empty school to get my plants.  We stopped by my parents to give them a few supplies, but we stayed in the yard and blew kisses when we left.

Thankfully, the rural county where we live does not report many cases of the epidemic, sweeping the land, but we abide faithfully on the rabbitpatch, for really, the whole thing did start with just one case, after all.

The “news” at the rabbitpatch, is that the bluebells are blooming and the azaleas are planning to shortly.  The last few days have been so windy, that just walking around the territory makes you feel battered.  I do not know how the tender blossoms stay fastened . . but they do.

On this morning, the dawn was bright.  The wind was light, gently stirring the young, jade leaves of the sycamores.  Maybe, the boys will mend the picket fence today and I will resume spring cleaning.  I did finish, the kitchen, but a toothache, rendered me quite unproductive yesterday.  A toothache is an awful thing.  I spent most of the day rinsing with salt water . . and sleeping.  I did not lay a finger on the vacuum or any dust rags.  Later, I decided it really could be a sinus infection. All I knew was that the side of my face was swollen and hurt everywhere . I prayed no one else, in the whole world, would get a toothache or a sinus infection, most especially now in the midst of the current situation.

One day, I made a “tandy cake”.  I had not made one in several years.  It is one of Kyles’ favorites, so he was glad that I sacrificed two sticks of butter and several eggs , on this behalf.  

I have always been a thrifty person.  I was taught in youth not to be wasteful and my elders proved this belief by their practices.  It has stuck with me all of my life.  Now, more than ever, I am glad this comes naturally, but never before, have I thought twice about making a cake.  The fact that I did, speaks volumes.

I suppose we are all thinking twice, these days . . .about a lot of things.  I wonder what things will linger.  An event of this significance surely warrants great consideration.  The experts do not predict this to be a quick race, after all.  

When I was young, I remember, being taught “not to drink after anybody, unless they were family.”  Of course, this included a gaggle of cousins. . .but apparently we did not have “germs”, in our family.  In those days, anyway, if we were thirsty, we went to the water hose and passed it to one another.  I shudder to think at how much dirt we ate.     In the afternoon, there was always a “break” on the farm, observed by everyone. I shared my cookie with my dog, without a bit of hesitation. If I dropped the cookie, I brushed the ants off and finished eating it, quite merrily.

Now, I am wondering when we will ever be unsuspecting of anywhere public.  . . or if we will ever touch a shopping cart, bare handed, comfortably.  Will we truly come out of this unscathed?  That seems unlikely. I thought about these things, while in the “Quiet Garden”  as I was trying to save a climbing rose from a greedy, and uninvited privet bush.

I miss having geraniums to plant now . . .I miss  the casual trips to the grocery  . . but most of all, I miss visits with the grandchildren!  Lyla has her “golden birthday” on Sunday.  She will be five years old!  Ryan has cut his first tooth-and Brynn has learned to say “ice cream”.  I just miss everybody.

I am accustomed to solitude . . .and seek it daily.    . .but I am so very glad to have Kyle and Christian here.  Hardly even a car passes by the rabbitpatch, these days.  The rambling old house, affords us plenty of space and there is no lack of things to do. Christian plays his guitar and piano, composes music, writes and paints.  Kyle has been doing repairs and I am learning how to attend “zoom” meetings and give remote lessons, besides writing and reading . . .and traipsing the territory.  One day, I saw a farmer in a distant field and realised I had not  even seen a neighbor in any yard, in a long while.  It was very comforting to see the farmer going about  usual business and doing it in a familiar way.                                             

The day of Lylas’ fifth birthday dawned fair.  It reminded me of the Sunday she was born.  That was the first time, that the youngest dogwood bloomed at the rabbitpatch. Lyla would not have a big party, this year.  She did invite a doll, a stuffed kitten and a stuffed bunny.  Jenny went all out on decorations and a fancy cake,as a consolation.  As much as Lyla loves parties, Jenny said all went well, and that Lyla was content with her “golden birthday” celebration.

Just a few short weeks ago, I was there.  We had big plans for a long weekend gathering, in April.  I thought school would be closed a couple of weeks and thought how lovely it would be, to walk by that laughing river, as often as I pleased.  I planned a trip to Wake Forest to have some time with Ryan.  

Now, I knew, before this crisis, that “plans” are often futile.  We simply can not plan, for what we do not see coming.  I did not see this coming-not to this extent.  Of all the things, I imagined the future could hold, a pandemic was not one of them.  I do not care, how old we are, we “have not seen everything.”  

At least for now, my family is well and adhering to the policies in place, with great fortitude.  I have even learned how to order groceries on line and simply drive to the grocery and wait for someone to put them in the car -and just leave!  You can order, all you want, but do not bank on getting all of your list.  Still, what a wonderful service and much more safe than entering the store.

Daddy has not had many good days, these last few weeks.  Mama and I talk off and on all day, but she has had a lot to shoulder.  My  own two week quarantine, ends officially tomorrow, and  though I will continue to observe isolation, from people and public places, I  do hope to visit my parents.  

 

While I was away …all this happened!

   

  

 

The dawn on Sunday , proclaimed the new day in a whisper.  Gentle light fell over the countryside, casting faint shadows.  Even the birds , tried to keep the new day a secret, for they abandoned their usual chatter.  Sometimes, beautiful things slip in our lives quietly, without a bit of fanfare.  I love mornings, in any shape or form.

I did start the spring cleaning, though I haven’t broken a sweat about it.  I was sure that my bedroom would be as easy as  eating cake.  It took all day and then some.  Yesterday, I started in the kitchen.  I dreaded the thought of it and most especially, at a time when the cabinets are at full capacity.   . . which really is something to be grateful for.  

Kyle has made himself scarce, since I announced the “spring cleaning project”.  True to his word, he has been cleaning the territory.  He even got the lawn mower working.  Oh!  how much better things looked!   I bet , my neighbor, Susan was as happy as I was, to see the fresh cut lawn as she tended to the mowing, most of last summer.  I looked around at the clean sheets  on the line, billowing playfully in the slight breeze.   . .and there were the violets along the winding footpath to the garden and the cherry tree with sparse, but very fragrant blossoms.  . . and a single white tulip blooming by the back door..  My heart swelled with gladness at the goodness of it all.  This place may be old and shabby and can not even boast  of a dishwasher, but it is not short on charm. 

I spent  the day, in the kitchen.  Most days, I am quite satisfied to have such an extensive collection of spices . . . it was not this day.  (The spices did not get packed up, last year.) It was tedious work, and several needed new labels.  I am quite particular about my spices. 

The secret of the new day, got out , for the sun told it to anybody that would listen.  By noon, bright silvery light  flooded the territory.  It was so quiet, for not a single car rode by, and not a neighbor was in sight.  Tomorrow, the circumstances get much more strict.   We are not to leave our homes and there are few exceptions.  I have already been practicing this.  Of course,  I have quite an advantage, since I enjoy solitude and have all sorts of work and hobbies to entertain myself with.  The worse thing for me, is of course, not seeing my children and grand children.  If the projections are accurate, then it will be a long while.

I do not know when I quit worrying, but it was much more than a decade ago, I think.  Worry never changed anything, except my well being. A lot of the things, I worried about, never even happened.  The elders used to say, “Don’t borrow trouble” and went about their business.  It seems they were always right about most things.  Of course, there is scripture, to support this saying.   Matthew chapter 6,  really does sum up “faith” and I have often relied on this passage.  , ,and in fact, I have painted a portion of it on one of the barns, along with birds.  ..Look at the birds of the air . . .”

Because I am not known to worry, I am considered to be carefree, by others.  It is mostly true, after all, but I declare  that this current epidemic warrants a degree of concern.   . .and caution.  To me, worry  and concern are like first cousins to one another.  Mighty close ,  and they may favor, but they go to different homes, at night.  Worry is anxious and it feels hopeless and so desperate.  Concern is awareness and alert observance, and proceeding with  great thoughtfulness.  Now, not a dictionary, I know of, says such a thing, but it is how I feel .

Monday was fair a day as has ever been.   I  still have work to do in the kitchen.  There were just a couple of cabinets left-and they do not require the work, that the spice cabinet did, thankfully.  In that case, I had plenty of time to meander in the glory of  a day in spring.  There can never be too much of that . . .even should I live to a hundred and walk every springtime, I live to see. 

Now, the wisteria blooms. Their blossoms are lavender and form into clusters, that look like those of grapes.  Some of them bloom now, in the patch of young woods.  I find them beautiful and such a hallmark of spring . . .but i can not look at the darling flowers of the vine, without remember my friend “Sweet Anne”  of Mehrling Muse”,  for she does battle with one  wisteria every year. These vines  are beloved . . if they are in the woods.  They are hard to tame in the landscape, and will consume porches and gazebos and their neighbors, if you but blink.  Now, “Sweet Anne” feeds the birds, for she is that kind . . .but she is a warrior when it comes to wisteria.

Some of the wild irises are blooming too.  How they got along the edge of the woods, will remain a mystery, to me. Behind, the oldest barn, is a small orchard and how happy I was to see the pale pink apple blossoms.  The bright yellow Japanese roses are blooming in mass and so though the orchard looks shabby, and needs tending, there us an undeniable beauty.  The orchard is just bit wild now, and I almost prefer it, that way, I think.

One of the things that I love about nature,  is that  it is so dependable.  Come fire, hail, sleet or high water, nature recovers and goes on to thrive.  I remember when my grandmama died.  She was ninety-three and up until the last few months of her life, she was still sweeping floors at the rabbit patch.  She was a tender soul with the heart of a lion, as  she had proved by living through hard times, that most of us have never seen the likes of . . .yet she remained gentle . . and full of light. 

The night of her death,  there was a bright flaxen moon over the field . . .There it was shining, as if nothing in the world had changed.  It was not one of my best moments, for  I am the one that quarreled with the moon. How heartless ,  that moon was to glow like  that.    It seemed to be making quite a grand production of its’ shine.  Without a bit of shame,  I stated my feeble case fiercely.  In the spring, I took no pleasure when the lilac thrift bloomed -nor the roses in the “Quiet Garden”.   Grandmama loved flowers. 

Now, years later, I am  sure, that the moon was grieving, as I was.  Maybe, the truth was that it was shining so brightly, because my world was so dim, that night.  With times being what they are, I  finally realise that  not only does nature feed us, clothe us, and shelter us . .  and supply us with perpetual beauty . .   It also comforts  us with things like  apple blossoms. . .and that unwavering moon.