The first thing I did this morning, was to put the windows down. I heard the wind rev up before day break. The wind nearly howled and a hail storm of acorns made an awful racket, on the old farmhouse. Still, I did not stir, for I had a very soft blanket -and a cat and a dog at the foot of the bed. There was nothing to make me rush, one iota. The dust and spider webs would wait-and Kyles’ bedroom would remain “torn apart” from my project, yesterday.
As, I laid there , trying not to, I thought about a good many things. At last, I wanted coffee. If I were going to be sorting out “the state of the union”, I needed coffee and besides, I can only linger in bed, briefly, after I wake. That is when I put the windows down.
A bright sun, rose over the cotton field with a blinding light, proclaiming a new day, while I had my coffee. Apparently, the joyful sun, was “blissfully ignorant” of any thing amiss anywhere. I decided to do my best to follow suit and to live this day cheerfully and with good will. . .and also to tackle the spider webs.
There is no way, to “sugar coat” this . . .a “hitch” has arisen in the sale of the rabbit patch. I found out yesterday. I looked at the boxes in every corner. The beloved, little cottage, just a short walk from Jenny and my grandchildren, flashed in my mind, – telling my children, the money I would lose by having already invested in the necessary fees to purchase a new home . . .well it was a shocking and disappointing moment. Maybe it is not as dire as it seems, but the threat is real and to process this, I had to entertain such notions.
I had been all set to pack, yesterday, besides cleaning the dust and cobwebs, but I halted everything, and took a walk around the rabbitpatch. I gathered branches as I went along. I was deeply disappointed, so that I could not speak, even to utter a prayer. I just walked. I knew I could trust the outcome. I knew things work out as they ought to. I knew , in some way, that this was truly “not my business”, for the whole affair had been given to God, a long time ago. This did not keep me from feeling a deep sense of confusion . . .and sorrow. I also know, “time will tell” as it always does.
Eventually, I was able to shift my perspective, slightly, but enough to muster the former ambition, I had, to clean. There is a huge old trunk in Kyles’ bedroom full of things, like tea sets and baby shoes. I took to sorting the keepsakes into boxes with each childs’ name on it, that they belonged to. After all, I wanted to get rid of the trunk anyway, so there was no harm in this mission.
I wanted so badly, at times , to pour the whole thing out to a friend. I did not want to tell any of my children, or my parents -until I could assure them that all was truly well, either way – and I can not fool Mama, especially . I just had not gotten to that place yet, myself, so I kept working. . . and eventually, the old trunk was empty.
I decided to move the bed and commenced to scrubbing, where I usually don’t. One thing led to another, and I finally stopped at dusk, because I wanted to. Tomorrow is another day, I thought.
Christian came home, and like Mama, I can not fool him either. I told him the circumstances and he said “Mama, don’t worry, things will work out.” He said it with such confidence, that I believed him.
I went back to Kyles’ room early this morning and hung clean curtains in the clean windows. As it turned out, I spent most of the day there. The wind was relentless all day – and so was I. I covered every inch of space. I was quite satisfied, when all was said and done.
Of course, meanwhile, the kitchen had become a disaster , as whatever was being discarded, whatever was being stored, whatever had been washed . . .well, it was all there. This would never do especially, with tomorrow being Monday, for that changes everything. I set about restoring order and made good time.
By the time, I was carrying the coffee grounds and some egg shells to the compost, the sky was a pale pink. The wind had given up, right about the time I did, and there was a stillness over the territory. The moon was a white globe glowing softly. A cotton field is especially beautiful in moonshine. It was a lovely moment and so very peaceful.