On Monday, the sale of the rabbitpatch, fell through. It was disappointing,to say the least. The thing I had going for me, was experience, this time around. In December, the deal was off, just two days before closing. It was a horrible shock at the time and dampened my spirits considerably – and right before Christmas. Well, I carried on with high hopes, for the coming spring.
Though, I was better prepared, this time, I can say, there was not an absence of some melancholy. I had not even put the house on the market, when a prospective buyer approached me. In all honesty, both of us thought it would work out.
Lest, anyone think, that I spend all of my life, watching sparrows and talking to trees, I want you to know, that such things were not on my mind, that day. I shed a few quiet tears and then I got grumpy. Of course, all sorts of noble thoughts kept popping in my head. “It was not the right time” -“the best is yet to come” and on and on. I dismissed them all, for I needed to mourn. I wanted to mourn. I was frustrated and felt stranded. It was not my best moment.
I went out to say good night to the world, despite my poor behavior. The pine trees were whispering and a dove cooed sweetly. A pair of young rabbits were frolicking in the star shine, like all was well.
I woke early on Tuesday. It was a cool morning . The sweet country air came through the open window . . . and a mockingbird sang. The realization of the “failed attempt” washed over me again, with a slighter sting, than the day before. Every verse, I knew about trust and faith sprang up in my thoughts, while I prepared for work. This annoyed me, to no end.
On a brighter note, it was Sydneys’ birthday. Dear Sydney glowing and so content – so full of hope and joy as she awaits the birth of her little son. . .and my first grandson. What a beautiful time it is for all of us. Few times are sweeter than waiting for a baby, I think. Everything else, I was thinking about started to pale in comparison, to that.
I wish I could say that I abandoned my gloomy thoughts, but I did not feel a conclusion for a while. Really, I just wanted a direction to follow. I came to doubt the whole business. I wondered how a path that seemed laid before me, would be so hindered. Of course, I thought that maybe the “timing” was off. I pondered it all til I was weary of it. That is when, things got suddenly clear. It occurred to me, that I either trusted . . or I didn’t. It was as simple as that. . . I decided to trust.
Later, I laughed at myself, for acting as if selling a house- or not, could have caused such an internal commotion . What a big and unnecessary production! In my defense, though . . .this has gone on for a while and there are plenty more details, I am not yet at liberty, to tell. Not one of them is small, either.
I have no idea, how I will continue to manage this territory -or how I will pay for it. The house and property are bigger than they used to be and like me . . .older. I still deeply desire a smaller rabbitpatch, but for now, I will trust in this winding journey with its, “blind spots” and twists, after all, I am not going it, alone. I needn’t even be brave, I just have to trust.
Dear Friends of the Rabbitpatch, I write this in hope that your own disappointments will be few . . but also knowing they are as certain as rain, to come along on occasion. At such times, we are bound to falter . . .as I did . . and make mountains of molehills . . . as I did. Should anyone find themselves, in such circumstances, I did not want them to feel lonesome . I have a fair share of short comings . . .but at least I am in “Good Company” as I go along. The truth is . . .We all are.